Hey guys,
So as you can tell this weight loss blog has been MIA since my gosh 2015 being my last entry which is crazy to me.
So what happened?.....
Well lots of things happened and unfortunately I had a lot of ups and downs, a lot of it is private but I have a lot to say in regards to how my approach to losing weight and maintaining it, I regret to say that I gained back a lot of weight and my mindset was hampered so much so to a point where I made myself look like a hypocrite in this blog because I ended up not practicing what I preached for example saying how excuses should never be made etc. and its kind of embarrassing when I think of it however I have a much better understanding now of why I failed to maintain being a size 10 and of course looking back I'm not really that same person I was when I first started this blog, because when I first created this blog I was in college and I was not very well prepared for the real world and all the crazy ventures I faced in life, and yes I had a very positive mindset and was able to lose it in the first place, however even though I was able to lose all that weight I didn't quite understand the bigger complexities behind it all, I knew that I needed to have a positive mind set, eat less, and exercise, as advised in this blog most of that was correct however when I look back I find myself not agreeing with some of the things I wrote because I did not have a good understanding of how I approached things for example yes excuses do sabotage weight loss goals but its much more complex then that because there are reasons why they will be made and I learned that the hard way between 2015 up until now because in between then and now my mental health was spiraling out of control due to all the stressful things that were happening in my life and I was having trouble understanding why I was not a size 10 anymore and why did I binge eat or abandon my progress just like that, and whenever I would try again I just kept failing and thought that it was because of my routine constantly changing, my metabolism aging or I thought it was my mojo that disappeared, and sadly I hit an all time low and my self-esteem was suffering and I just could not understand what was throwing me down and why I was struggling again.
What caused the struggle again?
There were definitely a lot of things, most of all yes as I preached before, it was indeed slipping back into a poor mind-set and I knew I had to have a good mind-set however I did not understand why I lost that positive mind-set and come to think of it now I'm not sure it was the right positive mind-set after I got diagnosed Inattentive ADHD and after I explored the Noom app which I tried for bit and it gave me a better understanding of why I had struggled to keep off my weight and prevent gaining it back and yes it was that simple my habits were all a result of not knowing how to mentally sustain good habits as now I am exploring the method of using cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT which I discovered recently.
Overall I always knew how to lose weight, and yes I was successful in losing it however I was not successful when it came to mentally sustaining it because:
One, when I lost all that weight I was less stressed at the time, I wasn't working and I was able to stick to good routines yet when I started looking for work and faced anxiety it was hard because I'd find myself craving simple carb based foods as well as high sugary and fatty foods, then started to lose control but would often times start over then stop repeatedly overtime.
Two I struggled so much because I also was unaware of my ADHD at time and that made things more confusing because I simply did not understand how my mind worked even if I did do somethings right, and from what I can see now this definitely played a huge role in both losing and gaining the weight back. It helped me lose weight because people with ADHD have their moments of hyper focus which is a very common symptom, so how did that play a role? well, when I first started I was so hyper focused on exercise DVDs, I developed a huge obsession with them and had so much fun working out to them plus I watched a lot of youtuber's videos where they swore by them and I wound up getting a huge collection of them and working out to them and then I got introduced to the myfitnesspal app and that was also another thing I became so hyper focused on because that is when I learned how calories play a huge role in weight management and that I could still enjoy tasty treats without gaining weight and because of that I became even more hyper focused on losing weight, so yeah I had my fun workout DVDs and my fascination with fitnesspal, so little did I know then that it was my hyper focus that kept me going because I was including things that sparked my interest but unfortunately I lost that hyper focus because I wound up getting bored of using the app and when I finished college and started looking for work reality hit and I started dealing with so much anxiety and found myself not enjoying the workouts as much as I used to due to having trouble scheduling my workouts as well as struggling to have a routine which was easier during collage because there was always set times whereas when I was looking for work I had no set times and would always get interrupted and I was doing volunteer work and because I was so stressed out and anxious most times I had so much trouble with trying to exercise again accept for when I needed to walk my dog who passed away last year may he RIP. The other problem I had was I would fall back into eating high sugary, fatty and high carb food as I found my self turning to food out of boredom because food is a stimulant so I wound up eating a lot of chocolate again because my ADD brain found it so stimulating and it still does.
Three, My mind-set to weight loss was not as positive as I thought it was because even though I kept telling myself that excuses are not good and that it's not impossible, I still was very self-critical because every time I would fail I'd beat myself up, which did not help me because it only led me to make poor choices, and I often found myself back in that loop of "ok I'll eat whatever I want today because I slipped up, I'll start tracking my calories tomorrow" or I'd beat myself up to a point where I found it too difficult to follow that mind-set because even though I had good stuff in my mind-set there was still negative self sabotaging beliefs I had about myself and I was not fully aware of them and how they were effecting my approach to weight loss.
Four, I pushed myself too hard when it came to eating healthy foods that I did not enjoy even during the time before I hit a size 10, this was a tough one I learned because although yes you must eat healthy foods you still have to make sure your food is enjoyable, like I struggled to enjoy chia seed pudding and I find raw kale difficult to eat and when I tried eating all these super healthy foods as well as health food stuff such as pea protein powder it was so hard to stick to eating them so it of course became easier to crave bad foods, instead of finding a way to include healthy foods I enjoyed or making less enjoyable ones more tasty.
Five, I didn't know how to make things more simple for myself, such as how to make eating healthy more simple and how to incorporate a diet that suits my taste buds, waistline and mind, this is also something I blame having undiagnosed ADD for, because I would try so many methods that did not work well enough for me because it was either unmanageable or too overwhelming to point where I could not sustain it. Which in the end left me feeling so depressed and helpless leading back to square one again.
What's next?
Well the next thing I'd say is changing my mind-set because clearly the previous mind-set I had even when I did lose all the weight did not work for me in the end because even though my routine did change it just shows that I wasn't prepared mentally and that my relationship with food was still problematic because I didn't understand how to make healthy eating more accessible and that I needed to just simply change how I think about food, for example good thought strategies such as healthy food must be easily accessible and less healthy foods must be less accessible and I must also have the opportunity to still be able to eat healthy foods even when I am tired or stressed out and that they must be prepared in a way that I can enjoy eating them.
Overall what I am gonna do next is follow CBT methods I am currently reading a book about using CBT to lose weight and its called The Beck Diet Solution: Train your brain to think like a thin person
So to start over in this blog this is my starting weight: 85.95kgs
Dress size: 14
and this is my goal weight: 60kgs
Dress size: 10
What to expect in this blog
Since I've lost and gained weight many times in the past I want to be able to prove to myself that I can do it again and I also think that this blog will be a great reference to anyone who has suffered the same way I have when it comes to losing weight because I know many people struggle to keep weight off or they like me lost a lot of weight yet gained it back due to similar struggles I have had or anyone who's ever yo yo dieted, and of course people who have ADHD and struggle with healthy eating habits like myself because I know its very common however I will not be recommending any particular diets, but I will share foods that I enjoyed and can give ideas on how to make healthy foods more appealing, most of all my blog will focus more on the mental aspects that I have found useful in terms of permanent weight loss, but once again I am not a health professional, I am only sharing what works for me I understand that what works for me might not work for everyone, so if you are struggling with an eating disorder please see a professional, my blog is more for ideas and inspiration but it should not substitute professional advice.
This blog will also not only be about weight loss, because now that I have chosen to change my way of thinking when it comes to weight loss it should also be a form of self-care and self-love practice because weight loss is not all about looking good it has many other benefits to health in general such preventing diabetes or any other illness that results from access weight and better cognitive function from eating the right foods as well as learning to enjoy life more without depending on food too much, I think it will be fun to make this a lifestyle blog and include things such as current skincare products I'm enjoying, music I've been enjoying, ADHD topics, recipes, book reviews, beauty products etc.
Anyway I'm glad to be back and I wish everyone on a similar journey good luck
Love
Alice
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